One of the hallmarks of the Cold War (from the end of WWII to 1991) was the arms race between the United States and the Soviet Union. When most people think of the arms race, they may think of the rapid production of nuclear weapons. What is less commonly known was the existence of the Soviet Unions, equally active, biological weapons department called  “Биопрепарат” or “biological preparation.” We referred to it as Biopreparat. It is safe to say that Biopreparat was disbanded and ingrained into the history books with the rest of the Soviet Union when it collapsed in 1991… or did it?

I am convinced that there was (and still is)  an underground joint project between Biopreparat and the Soviet Union’s intelligence force, the KGB. There is no point in looking it up, for it is probably not on the internet. This is most likely because the project is still in progress today.  I have multiple reasons to believe that the projects developing a humanoid android and integrating it into American society to observe people for Russia’s benefit. What if I told you that this android walks among us, not only in the US, not only in New Jersey but here at Oratory Prep?

I firmly believe that Brian “BK” Kelly is this imposter. In short, he is the project of Biopreparat x KGB or the Russian android. This suspicion first came up when Brian began to prove his undeniable prowess for mathematics. As a classmate in his current math class, AP Calculus BC, I have observed firsthand how he calculates problems lightyears faster than the rest of the class. 

On an athletic front, BK has excelled as one of the best pitchers on the varsity baseball team. From personal experience, I can say that his mechanicals is flawless, suspiciously flawless in fact. It is as if he is making trillions of calculations (of his steps, arm placement, ball trajectory, etc) before he moves, similar to a supercomputer. 

Another piece of evidence that supports the theory that BK is, in fact, an android working for the Russians stems from observations from other students. Seniors Ethan Fernandez and Christopher Rieman commented on his voice. Fernandez said: “he [Brian Kelly] has a monotone voice.” Rieman reported that “his screams, they seem too consistent and robotic.” It is very possible that the Russians failed to program an extensive emotional expression program into BK’s system.

If you think about it, Brian’s initials are BAK. Which is an anagram for B.K.A, which stands for Biological KGB Agent. Also, it is commonly believed that BK has a trigger phase/word which will reset his Russian programming. Although this phrase/word is not yet identified, some plausible options are “airplane,” “blueberry pie,” or “He sharpens his tea for the power of the Vickers.” 

Admittedly, this evidence is based on pure suspicion and say-so. However, I have a shred of compelling evidence that BK is a robot. When asked what he wanted to major in, he said “cybersecurity.” BINGO! What other reason than to infiltrate the US pentagon and finally give the Russians the upper hand in intelligence.

Without solid evidence, it may be true that all of this is false, but I remain steadfast in my belief that Brian A Kelly is the instrument of pure espionage working for the Russians. I will remain on watch for more evidence to arise. Until then, if you are reading this, BK, I am on to you!