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Dodgeball Power Rankings

Jack Munro, Staff Writer

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Side Note: I would just like to remind everyone that this is purely opinion based (although I think it’s accurate) and that you should feel free to make your own rankings if you disagree. I ranked all the 14 man teams competing in the tournament but didn’t rank any of the 7 man teams because they are going to combine with another 7 man team, and it’s hard to gauge a skill level because it’s so unpredictable.


As Spirit Week approaches, themed dress down days and fun games are spread throughout the week. But the main event of Spirit Week is the dodgeball tournament. With 19 14-man teams entered this year, the competition will be tough. To give everyone an idea of who will be playing, I ranked all of the teams and gave a commentary on each of them.
1. Risky Business 2

5 Varsity lacrosse players, 3 Varsity basketball players, 2 Varsity soccer players, 3 Varsity baseball players, and 1 mocklete (Joe Garibaldi), among others. This team is stacked with athleticism, and upperclassmen, and will be very tough to beat.

2. Earth, Windisch, and Fire

Athletic juniors + Athletic faculty = one of the best teams in the bracket. If there was a team to beat Risky Business 2, it would be Earth, Windisch, and Fire. I think the juniors on the team will perform great (as they did last year), but their ability to win lies with the faculty’s performance that day.

3. Girl Scout Dropouts

With the combination of Allan’s skill and the athleticism of the team’s seniors (and Mr. Barresi), Girl Scout Dropouts is a very strong team. They have a lot of varsity athletes, and former varsity athletes, and will go far in the tournament.

4. Jersey Dodgeballers

Jersey Dodgeballers is one of the two sophomore power teams in the tournament. They have some really athletic kids on the team, although somewhat unknown. I would look for Jersey Dodgeballers as a serious dark horse in the tournament — especially considering they have an easier schedule than most teams.

5. Maenpaa’s Menpaa

Although relatively unknown, it seems the freshman have formed a power team within their grade. This team could be another dark horse in the tournament, depending on their performance that day. However, if they win their first round game, they will play #1 ranked Risky Business 2 — a matchup that could potentially result in an upset, if Maenpaa’s Menpaa plays well.

6. NBD

NBD is another one of Nick Browne’s dodgeball teams. This one, however, has some of Oratory’s best athletes on the team. Most notably, it seems that NBD has recruited AJ Kopacz from his previous team of Risky Business 2. NBD has a very easy bracket, and will most likely make it far in the tournament.

7. International Justice League of Super Acquaintances

The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances is the second of the sophomore power teams. They have some strong athletes, but also a really tough bracket — facing #2 Earth, Windisch, and Fire in their second game, and either #1 Risky Business 2 or #5 Maenpaa’s Menpaa in their third game.

8. Buzzer Beater Form Fillers

This is Peter Finn’s team that was, as noted by the name, put together at the last minute. However, there are some skilled dodgeball players on their team and have the potential to do well on tournament day. It should be noted, though, that if they win their first game, they have to play #2 Earth, Windisch, and Fire.

9. The Crum Crunchers

Crum Crunchers is another freshman team in the tournament. Again, their ability/athleticism is relatively unknown, but they have the potential to do well in the tournament.

10. Dodgeball

Robert Greeley III. Honestly, the team should be renamed to “Robert Greeley and the Others” because he is on another level. According to one of their players, they are going to do a ‘protect the Greeley’ formation, and hope for the best.

11. The Squids

The Squids is an all-senior team consisting of a few really strong athletes. I think if they really want to win and have a good performance the day of the tournament, they could possibly beat the freshman power team #5 Maenpaa’s Menpaa.

12. Dodgeballers

Dodgeballers are another solid freshman team going into the tournament, but, like the other, all freshman teams, will come in relatively unknown. Most notably, it seems they have recruited a few freshman cross country runners. This means that they could try to outspeed other teams as their primary strategy.

13. Harlem Hubcaps

Harlem Hubcaps is another one of Dan Ojogwu’s teams. Last year, they performed quite poorly and were eliminated really quickly. However, the Harlem Hubcaps have a few varsity/JV baseball players on their team this year, and could possibly force a few upsets.

14. Untitled

Untitled is an all upperclassmen (with the exception of one or two players) team. I would watch out for Mike Koomar, starting varsity goalie for the soccer team, as a potential weapon for the team.

15. Varsity Squad

Varsity Squad is an interesting team in the tournament. I can’t tell if they’re going to try or joke around, but, nevertheless, they will put on a show.

16. Luigi

Luigi is an all-freshman, unknown team. It’s hard to predict their performance in the tournament, but you should always watch out for the lesser-known teams as people don’t know what to expect.

17. Sitting Ducks

Sitting Ducks is a hybrid middle school/some high school team. They may be good at dodgeball, but their lack height and speed may limit them.

18. Canadian Ostriches

Canadian Ostriches is an all middle school team with Ms. Kacar. Again, like the Sitting Ducks, they lack height and speed but could put on a show with Ms. Kacar.

19. The Calcium Crew

The Calcium Crew may not beat you in a game of dodgeball, but they will beat you on a math test. But you can’t count these guys out immediately. Rumor has it that Justin Oei has been preparing day and night for this tournament.

Image Credit: http://cdn-static.denofgeek.com/sites/denofgeek/files/dodgeball

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2 Responses to “Dodgeball Power Rankings”

  1. Sebastian Gould on January 27th, 2017 2:13 pm

    If “Untitled” has all upperclassmen and a varsity soccer goalie (good at catching, diving, and dodging) why are they ranked low?


  2. Justin on February 1st, 2017 12:03 pm

    Oh come on, we’re not that bad! We just use physics to win.
    -The Calcium Crew


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