Jack Alexander Sicat Is the Worst For Honor Player Known to Man

Michael Townsend, Staff Writer

Sicat, a bright musician and top scholar, is an abysmal player of the hit video game, “For Honor.” He mains Nobushi, for he knows that he can abuse her ridiculously long-range naginata and many light attacks. He spams to his heart’s content, throwing as many lights as possible to interrupt his opponents and apply bleed damage.
You feint a heavy into-guard break to catch a parry attempt? He throws a light attack. You throw an unblockable attack to bait out a dodge attack? He throws a light attack. You throw a bash to break through his guard? He throws a light attack. I have never seen someone throw ten light attacks in a row. There is no enjoyment in playing with this fiend; upon criticism, he will simply say, “That’s how you play Nobushi!”
One would think that the best course of action would be to throw some quicker attacks, perhaps some light attacks of your own or some heavies that cannot be interrupted with lights. However, the moment that you apply this intuition, Sicat will deactivate his entire prefrontal cortex; he will begin to spam dodges and dodge attacks, abusing Nobushi’s ridiculous I-frames. Even if you do not throw out any attacks, Sicat will dodge attack out of neutral. Then there’s Nobushi’s hidden stance; he doesn’t use this merely for the I-frames, but for the kick and undodgeable, high-damage heavy attack.
Your only resort is to simply end all of your offense; all you can do is parry and dodge his random flurry of light attacks, kicks, and dodge attacks. In a fit unbecoming of a man, he whinges and groans that you play too defensively. Rather than adjusting his play style to counter yours, he becomes belligerent, for he knows that he has only these foul antics. As proficient as he is with the piano, oboe, and violin, it appears as though he will never be proficient in the art of For Honor.