“I am going to overthrow the student council and make myself czar.”  These are strong words to be heard at Oratory Preparatory School in Summit, New Jersey which has long been a home for the things that we in America hold near and dear: baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and capitalism. The same can not be said for the speaker of that quote: Oratory senior Brian Arild Kelly. His name has recently been popping up on official government documents listing the names of confirmed communist sympathizers inside the US. This news may not come as a shock to many as many of Brian Kelly’s recent quotes have insinuated that there is a possibility of him being a communist, such as “I, Brian Kelly, am a communist.” Now, as a respected journalist, I did not want to bury Mr. Kelly over one quote which could possibly have been taken out of context. Thus I put on my hard hat and began digging, and I dug and I dug, and next thing I knew this tunnel had led right from “BK” (probably his KGB codename) all the way to Putin’s palace in Moscow.

The story of Brian Kelly’s communistic beliefs begins way back in 2009 when OP’s resident communist was residing in Chatam NJ, a home for communists in America. As a young boy, Brian loved dressing up as food for Halloween. This passion quickly changed one Halloween night when Brian, dressed up as a large fry from McDonald’s, saw how the workers of the world needed to unite against the oppressive regime of capitalism in order to achieve prosperity. He threw off his costume, bought a one-way ticket to Siberia, and began his “dance with the economic devil.” Some people may say that this was just childhood immaturity, but I am not some people. Brian Kelly is a hardcore communist and I can prove it.

In my possession, as you read this story, is a confirmed list from the Kremlin that names Mr. Kelly as a foreign operative that has been sent to infiltrate Oratory Prep and install a new communist regime to the likes of which no private all-boys Catholic school in Summit has ever seen before. I do not throw these accusations around lightly and I expect Brian or his handler to try to silence me or slander my journalistic reputation in an attempt to make these charges go away. I already know from a variety of sources that Brian is writing in hit job on me for a few of the local communist news outlets, and to be clear all of which Brian will allege about me is false and is nothing more than a paper mache attempt to keep his own name out of the news.  I love America, you love America, but does Bolshevik Brian?