Is that Bradley Cooper? No, it’s Emmett Gaffney!

Is that Bradley Cooper? No, it’s Emmett Gaffney!

Matthew DeAngelis, Staff Writer

Oratory Prep is well known throughout the continental United States for having some of the spiffiest dressers and most refined young men this world has ever seen. Thus, the stakes were high when it came to who would receive the title of OP’s resident flâneur but after a long and heated competition, the crown came to rest on the head of the one and only Emmett Gaffney. For one to understand why Emmett Gaffney is the epitome of what it means to be a flâneur, one must take a dive into what it means to be a flâneur. A flâneur is a sophisticated man of high society who gallivants around town in the most fashionable of clothes and the most decadent of accessories while carefully observing the environment around him. The term flâneur rose to prominence in the 19th century when French poet Charles Baudelaire began featuring “flâneurs” in his work.  He referred to them as “urban explorers” and “connoisseurs of the streets”. 

With that in mind, we can now examine what it is that makes Emmett Gaffney our school’s resident flâneur.  First, can we take a moment to acknowledge the time and effort that this man puts in day in and day out to look his very best here at OP.  His hair: always on point. His shoes: always polished. His shirt: always tucked in. (Mr. Daugherty would be proud). These small details make a resounding impact on his appearance, and they work in tandem with his keen fashion sense. I swear this man struts into the classroom and you would have thought he was about to walk the runway at the Met Gala (which he has attended every year since its founding). The cornerstone of Mr. Gaffney’s wardrobe is his lavender golf shirts made only from the finest Persian silks. Although these shirts are not officially allowed due to the dress code, I vote to amend the dress code because man oh man do these shirts look good. His ability to mix and match colors, patterns, and styles leaves everyone in Mrs. Gribbin’s CWP in awe and asking ourselves if we too could ever be that stylish, that fancy, that much of a flâneur?  The answer is no.  No, we could not as it is only through the hand of God that one would be able to attain such powers. Mr. Gaffney has a gift, a blessing from the heavens and us mere mortals can do nothing but watch and hopefully one day be able to attain a tenth of his abilities.  

When Mrs. Preston first bestowed this title upon Mr. Gaffney, there were questions swirling as to Emmett’s abilities to fill the shoes of the title “flaneur.” That was until I saw Emmett wearing a perfectly tailored outfit made from only the world’s finest linens. After my eyes locked onto this Greek god of fashion, I knew. I knew that Mrs. Preston had made the right decision for Emmett would do right by the title of OP’s resident flâneur.


“I swore he was levitating as he was engulfed in the purest light I had ever seen” – Garrett “John Meehan Jr” Hall


“Oh La La” – The entire school when they lay eyes upon Emmett Gaffney


“I have never seen Batman and Emmett Gaffney in the same room at the same time, coincidence? You tell me.” – Anthony “The Plumber” McShane