It’s December 31, 2029. 2030 is less than 24 hours away, and for the 7th time in 70 years, it’s time to take a look backwards at what the world has accomplished this past decade. Things got off to a noisy start in 2020 when Vermin Supreme, the Libertarian Party candidate for president of the United States, finally won the election after almost forty years of running. His immediate cancellation of most major federal programs, from the EPA to Social Security, resulted in a 90,000% increase in horse ownership, the initiation of the “Bootlicker” challenge which resulted in at least 35 casualties, and a staggering 101% approval rating (achieved with the successful annexation of Liechtenstein in 2026). 

Youtube made headlines by announcing their “It’s Just Cable TV Now” initiative, in which they expanded greatly on their 2010s regulatory attitudes. Professionally-produced content was heavily promoted, independent creators were offloaded entirely, and all animation pages which were deemed “unfit to be played on Disney Jr.” were demonetized and shut down. This spelled the end for Youtube, as competitors Twitch and Dailymotion stepped up to support independent creators alienated from their two-decade-long father.

Jets fans were excited for the 2027 season when owner Donald Trump won the Pick 4 lottery and was able to afford free agent Damien Quandell for exactly one year. Under Quandell’s unprecedented quarterback success, mostly due to his winning strategy of always running the ball no matter what, and his 400-pound physique (thanks to 75% of his bones containing titanium implants), the Jets conquered the Super Bowl. After their win in 2027, Quandell’s contract expired and the Jets returned to their time-honored fundraising strategy of busking outside Giants games.