Teacher Fight: Clash of the Deans

Nick Looney, Staff Writer

Who is the Superior Academic Dean?

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Acquadro. A lean, mean biology machine. McCrystal. The self-proclaimed king of the nerds. The rivalry is heating up between these two deans. You see, Mrs. Acquadro is the dean of math and sciences here at OP, while Mr. McCrystal is in charge of the humanities, aka English and History, two competing disciplines. Mrs. Acquadro claims she’s really the dean of everything, but who am I to judge if this is propaganda or the truth. (Mrs. Acquadro, please don’t bring my Bio II grade down.) Let’s go over their stats.


Mr. McCrystal:

The fighting Irishman himself, Mr. McC’s beard of justice shows how he did it back on the Emerald Isle.

Athleticism: Really good at dodgeball and stuff.

Intelligence: Runs Quiz Bowl so he’s probably smart or something.

Style points: Beard of justice.

  • Fast facts
    • Is Irish
    • Has control over the media (Omega)
    • Can run really fast? (Cross country coach)
    • Told me to write this article, so he’s obviously down for the fight


Mrs. Acquadro:

Athleticism: Never seen her in any athletic competition so I assume not very athletic.

Intelligence: Bio’s a lot of memorization.

Style Points: Heels like every day, so that’s pretty impressive.

  • Fast facts
    • Owns the nerds (science league)
    • Her husband is beefy and can probably beat Mr. McCrystal in a fight (sorry, Mr. McC)
    • Is an administrator
    • Knows the weaknesses of the human body


The way I see it, the two should compete in a series of strenuous challenges to prove which department is better. They both have strengths and weaknesses, and only a true practical test will decide who comes out on top in the clash of the deans.