Track Enthusiast Club

Nick Browne, Writer

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It’s argued that some of the best teams here at Oratory are the soccer team, or perhaps the basketball team, but none can compare to the Track Enthusiasts Club. They are a non-profit organization who started when club President Brian McReynolds left the Winter Track team in rage of not being named a captain. I myself too soon joined because I thought it would be best to hop on the bandwagon early. Mrs. Demichino then joined as well, graciously accepting the job of head coach. She declared that practices are optional, but in a much more real sense they’re mandatory. Members never know when they have practice; it just happens naturally. Some of us will be walking in a pack to show our dominance then someone will just start running and it domino effects into a practice. Often times there is no rhyme or reason to the running, but like wolves in the Appalachian mountains we venture off into the vast unknown following whatever existential pursuits elude us. Sometimes people ask, “why don’t you just start an actual track team?” To this they answer, “It’s in the past. Clubs, are the future.”

 Meets for this team aren’t nearly as official as regular track teams. Held at undisclosed locations, the meets are mired in uncertainty as the only details of their whereabouts are merely rumors. Some have said that they run with native tribes such as the Navajo or the Shawnee in a competition to hunt and skin the most muskrats within a set period of time. Sources close to the team have confirmed that the most skilled of our team was Justin Oei, whom the Shawnee have since dubbed the Eurasian Long Tailed Chinchilla. After befriending the Shawnee tribe, they met a man named Wombat, whom they then named assistant coach of the team. He taught them valuable skills; like how to preserve a bear carcass, and the art of firing bows and arrows at the competition during meets. With such skills, they were able to create the track baton out of a family of small rabbits. Though Coach DeMichino has had considerable qualms over the extensive poaching and animal taxidermy, she continues to lead the team with remarkable grace.

The team has won many awards so far and this is its only second season since its arrival to Oratory this past fall. Some of the club’s proudest achievements were having a 60 minute tv special on ESPN 8 (the ocho), beating Henry Monaco on Words with Friends so bad that he dropped out of school, and breaking 7 out of Coach Anselm Lebourne’s 8 world records. If skinny families of badgers for no logical purpose and running into the wild every day before and after school interests you, then I would encourage you to join the Track Enthusiast Club.

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