OPSO Prevails: Leland Comes Home


Reported by Andrew Lynch

It is with great pride that I announce that today at 2:56 pm, an Oratory Prep Special Operations (OPSO) team successfully secured the release of beloved Oratory hero Leland the Fish.


The operation occurred in the locker room after school today while the OPSO squad was following up on possible whereabouts of Leland. The squad was returning home from an unsuccessful search in Yemen when a squad member spotted an orange canteen in the locker of an OP student. The military was unsure of whether or not to raid the locker as OPSO snipers were unable to gain visual confirmation on the presence of Leland. During this time, the Student Security Council briefed commander-in-chief Joseph Bizub on the crisis, and, despite the uncertainty, the President gave the green light for the raid of the locker in a snatch-and-grab mission.


At 2:54 pm today, a team of OPSO members landed on the turf field from an unlisted stealth helicopter and quickly moved west towards the locker room. The special forces moved quickly, clearing hallways and removing civilians from the site. When the locker had finally been surrounded, Oratory special forces blew upon the door to the compound and rappelled into the locker from the top of the locker. Upon entering the compound, OPSO members were confronted by Henry Monaco, a man who until this point has not been a suspect in the case. Henry Monaco was belligerent and offensive to the team, and witnesses describe Mr. Monaco as attacking the team immediately upon confrontation. OPSO members secured the compound as an unnamed member confirmed the fish in the orange canteen on the top shelf of the locker as Leland and brought him to a secure OPSO black-site. Mr. Monaco and his associates at the compound were then hog-tied and brought in for questioning after the compound was raided. Despite being apprehended, Henry Monaco broke free from OPSO forces moments later, and found his way to the black-site. Upon taking a hostage, Mr. Monaco forced his entry into the facility, at which point Leland was immediately transported away by an armed guard. Mr. Monaco pursued the convoy as an associate began stealing sensitive intel relating to school security and torching the black-site.


Once the firefight finally concluded, OPSO forces had made off with Leland. Although the military was unable to comment about the ongoing conflict, the army did release a statement to say that Leland was regaining his health at a secure site. The military has made its chief concern in restoring the mental and physical health of Leland from the trauma he received while in captivity. However, recent videos from the terrorist group responsible for taking Leland have made claims that the terrorists have stolen crucial assets of OPSO forces, most notably a phone and a computer, and are unwilling to negotiate these items for anything less than Leland’s life.

Although there is much reason to be happy for the success of operation Free Leland, it is important to remember the casualties of war. The conflicts over Leland over the past few days have left a cross country team divided, fish without owners, students without security, and Henry Monaco without sushi. Even more so, Leland himself will most likely be unable to appear at Oratory anymore, as the death threats he has received have sent him into the witness protection program. Our hearts go out to him, as well as to those brave men who do not have their phones or laptops tonight. We thank you for the sacrifice you made for Leland and for the sacrifices the OPSO makes for this school every day. God bless Joseph Bizub, God bless Oratory, and God bless Leland the Fish.