Are Your Family Members Clones?: Let’s Get Weird Episode 2


Nick Looney , Staff Writer

Do you ever feel like the people around you are off in some way? Do you ever feel like they’re not who they say they are? Do you ever think that the people around you have been replaced by clones by the devious clone of former president Jimmy Carter, eternal leader of the U.S. government, in an attempt to take you out? Well, it’s more common than you think. Capgras Delusion is a psychiatric condition where you believe the people around you are imposters. People suffering from may even think their dog is an imposter, plotting to murder them.

The name of the man involved in one of the most famous cases involving Capgras Delusion has never been publicized. We will be calling him John Doe, as the coppers do on that Law and Order show, and probably in real life too, but who even cares about real life these days. John believed that his father, brother, sister, brother in law, and nephew were all imposters. He believed they had been murdered, cloned, and spirits controlled the clone bodies. I see no faults in that logic. He is also the man who lead himself to believe that the U.S. government was completely ruled by clones of Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, former first lady Rosalyn Carter, and an entire clone army of U.S. Congress members. He believed that his brother was killed by his father’s clone, leading John to fatally shoot his father. In reality, his brother had killed himself years ago. But John didn’t care about logic. He thought that God had commanded him to take down the worldwide conspiracy, and take down the imposters. Deus Vult, anyone? He eventually tracked down and shot his nephew, severely but not fatally wounding him. He was unable to find his other family members thankfully. While looking for his sister, brother in law, and brother (who I remind you didn’t exist, clone or not because he killed himself years ago) he ran into a young man while walking down the street. He immediately identified him as a clone and an accomplice in his brother’s murder, because why not. The young man was wounded, but thankfully not killed, by John’s mad firing. John was finally caught by the police. He was deemed innocent on grounds of insanity. While shooting his family members was completely insane and unwarranted, I believe he was onto something when he proposed that Jimmy Carter’s clone was our eternal overlord. Keep your tinfoil hats on your bedside table.